happenings

16.12.2010

today is the date whereby my mum and dad 26th wedding anniversary and its the last test for this term, which is miec, this srsly sucks, the paper is a definite killer, it might make me fail, so if ii fail, it will be a gone case, and it willl lead to KPT suaning me to hell, idk hw either...v scare that she will suan me when sch reopens...hais...

study for what? study so hard, end up dun even knw hw to apply the concept to the questions, all thanks to her...if ii pass, ii happy, if fail, be prepared to let her suan.... god bless me that tym liaos lorhs....

holiday officially starts at 3.05pm, but ii am nt happy at all... :( ntg can describe my feelings nw...

ii have also decided to forget about him, we are over, and wun be together again, dun knw why, when ii see his family pic, than ii decided to forget him...back to friends as per normal if he is alright...that day when talk to him, plus everything so stressed up, nearly, dun even wan to study for test, but than after ii cried, ii can be able to study...

ii am beginning to feel that ii am nt as gd as the past...in the past, ii am independent, not afraid of a lot of things, but nw, ii feel so dwn, no confident in myself, whatever ii do is meaningless...idk what ii shall do also...hais...

just read someone blog, ii have no idea that he has a blog, after ii read it, ii suppose ii knw what is he thinking of nw, he treat me so good, good until ii really dun knw hw to say, he can sacrifice other things just to accompany me, but medicine for me when ii am sick, spend a bomb on my birthday which is just a normal & simple day to others, but its very special to me...yet ii didnt appreciate, ii always keep being so fed up with him, a bit than scold him, ii knw its nt right, but than other than this, ii really dun knw what ii shall do, ii am confuse, idk whether to accept him a nt, idk whether its love or its because he is too good to me, thats why ii accept him...but than if ii dun accept, ii just felt bad towards him...srsly, ii am in a confusing state of mind! ii really dun knw what ii shld do...hw? my mind & heart just dun work together, idk what ii wan nw!!! ii hate myself for being such a person like this...ii am afraid of hurting him as well...he has seen me through so many r/s, happy and sad times, why would he still like me? ii dun understand as he is quite an introvert :(

as for school, things always dun go smoothly for me, ii scare ii cant make it to lvl 2 cos ii might be failing one module...things that ii learn nw is getting harder and harder, ii dun like, but ii cant do anything, cos ii need to get this cert, if nt, ii really will be ntg in the future...

as for friends, ii missed my ite friend - felicia, but than ii dun have tym to spare to go out...ii also missed my cdac friend - sukping, secondary sch friends & my darling hweeyee...ii <3 uu all , but hard to go out with uu all cos ii am broke, need to work :(

as for all my darlings in poly, they are a bunch of fun loving ppl that ii ever met in the whole of my life...can uu imagine that, because of them, ii became more outgoing and happy, if nt ii might have just quit my poly alrdy, its too stressful for me to take it...cos ii cant take it and they kept supporting & helping me whenever ii have doubt on sch work...other than sch work, we also talk about out personal lifestyles and so on...but of cos, somethings are still kept as a secret in order nt to spoil my image within them...hahas! 

the beginning of my holidays doesnt seems to be a holiday, it just seems to be study period for some modules, ii srsly hate sch!!! ii wanna enjoy it but than ii am demoralized by this miec paper... :( ii wan go drink, so sad :( ii wan go slack with hweeyee, so we can voice out things that we wan to say, whatever also can, no secrets :(

lastly, life sucks! emo emo emo all the way, the songs that were being shuffled, all emo type also, my com really knows me well <3 my com..