hais, today will be the 7th day of our pause of r/s...ii kept think, asking, questioning myself & even doubting myself if ii had ever loved uu before?? but ii double check & reconfirmed this doubts a lot of times alrdy, do uu know how much times ii have cried for uu, getting angry & frustrated because of uu...whenever ii think of our happy times, ii really dun knw hw come our r/s came to this stage, its not that ii wanna say stop this r/s & it means really stop, do uu really think that ii am so harsh towards uu?? ii also dun wan to do it too...but there is a lot of times ii can't help it...so ii think ii do love uu...right...
ii am those person that attitudes changed very fast...when ii am serious, why do uu even want to say those lame things to make me shoot uu back... when ii am tired, why do uu have to keep bombarding me with loads of question when ii dun even wanna answer...when ii am sad, uu only know how to say sorry that uu are not by my side to walk through this journey together at that particular time...when ii am angry, uu can add oil to the fire & make me feel more & more angry... do uu think uu are acting funny or cute in front of me...uu dun knw when is the right time to do which actions...this is where ii really dun like...
do uu even understand me at all?? maybe our character & personality is different... ii still wondered why am ii such a failure as a gf...but the more ii think, again & again, ii dun think that ii am a failure...when ii step in to a r/s, ii will go all into it, unless my parents dun approve, if not ii will make sure that ii will make a good gf with uu...but they are ok with uu...uu are the one who can't even give a trust to ur gf...is that what a healthy r/s is called?no right...
uu kept secretly checking on my hp, when ii am bathing, uu checked...when ii am busy doing some housework, uu checked...when we are in chalet, uu checked again...caught uu red-handed & uu still tell me uu didn't... when ii asked uu seriously, caused uu can't be able to lie but to say the truth, uu said: just wanna see who ii contact with... uu go & touch ur heart & think clearly & carefully, from the day ii stead with uu, did ii ever doubt uu before? did ii ever checked on ur hp before??? did uu ever done anything that hurt our r/s before??? and uu even thought that ii time uu just because ur ex does this to uu??? and questioned me on the way ii went to work...since uu start to doubt me, why did uu even have to carry on our r/s???
ii only can say, ii am very disappointed in uu... do uu know how hurt & upset am ii when ii am typing all this out...ii contributed whole-heartedly in this r/s & what did ii get in the end? its a piece of shyt isn't it!!!
did uu ever put urself in my shoes to see what ii have done for uu...it is not about those financial matters, its about the thought that counts...ii sacrificed my work days for uu, from 2 weekends per week, becomes to 1 weekend per week...like that see is like ntg, but ii have lost almost $200/mth, somemore uu should know my financial problems...ii need to pay my expenses all by myself...ii saved & tried to buy things for uu...but eventually, uu spend all ur money helping me pay bills,presents, foods during the start of the month & when it is the end of the month, ii will be paying everything, even lending money to __... uu said uu wanna help me share all these & walk through all this together, but ii felt that uu didn't...
ii asked uu to save money not to come from ur hse to fetch me to work & go back hm...but uu didn't listen & said, we don't have a lot of time every week...so uu must send me to work, but when uu come & go home is almost $2 or even more...than my break time uu come again, around another $2 is gone again, then at night, to our destination and go back home, around another $2 gone again...1 day $6+...8 days $48+...somehow ii really dun knw why, ii told uu to save money, but uu wouldn't listen, we are so bloke & yet uu still can't think...hais...
whenever we go out on sat, ur dad will be so unhappy, why ur gf so impt than him a 19+yrs daddy lerhs lehs...ii knw he is sad, thats why that tym he said it at ur hse...ii can sense his angryness & disappointment...cos my dad is unhappy too before when ii was with another person...whenever on sun, ii accompany uu back to cck when ii am staying ad hougang...the tiredness & the distance to cck & back to hougang is like so far away...somemore, ii have worked for the whole day & its very tiring, do uu know...hais...
nvm barhs...ii can only know that ii have alrdy contributed my best in this r/s giving uu all the trust that should be given, w/o doubting & questioning..so thats all ii have to say for our r/s...hais...ii really don't know what ii should do...
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